It Takes a Lifetime (Or More)
by whiterose blackrose
Summary: "The heartland lies where the heart wants to be. Sometimes it takes a lifetime to find the true place to plant it." - Vera Nazarian (The Perpetual Calendar of Inspiration. TW: Mentions of cutting and suicide.
1. Before Laura

_"Who knows what true loneliness is - not the conventional word but the naked terror? To the lonely themselves it wears a mask. The most miserable outcast hugs some memory or some illusion." - Joseph Conrad_

The first home you've ever had was a large mansion in the middle of acres and acres of land. You are born in 1680. Mircalla Karnstein, daughter of the Count Karnstein, and raised to be a proper young lady. Your mother is a beautiful, graceful creature born into high society, but with so much compassion in her heart that she spends most of her free hours at poor houses and orphanages speaking to the people, tending to their needs. It definitely makes an impression on your young self and you want to be just like your mother when you grow up.

Home, for you, has been laughter and kind touches to your cheek and kisses on your forehead before you go to sleep.

But on your 18th birthday in 1698, your idea of home is changed forever. Being brutally murdered does that to a person. You'd been cut open, through the stomach and bled dry. But life, or in this case, death, doesn't stop you from walking this earth.

You can never go home.

* * *

Now that your home as a human is gone, you find comfort in death.

It's your home now, as is the woman who saves you. Insisting that she be called "Maman" the woman looks like a middle aged glamazon (a description you'll hear many years later). She's pulled you from the edge and taught you how to live as an undead fiend from the pits of Europe.

There's the part of you that wishes you _could_ go back, but Maman tells you that the night you died is the same night your house burned down. The great Count Karnstein and his wife, along with their two children, perished within the family mansion.

So you move around, following Maman. As a fledgling vampire, you indulge in the new world about you. That your new home resides in blood and sex and death.

Your foster mother tells you that now that you are under her wing, you have a job to do. So, every twenty years, you are left on the road or must act like you are a helpless girl with no place to stay. And someone, usually a wealthy count of noble of some kind, takes you in. They would then introduce you to their ward, either a daughter or a niece. You would then offer the young woman a companion, either using seduction or just plain friendship. Then you would bring her to Maman, who takes her to do something that she never tells you. You don't know what happens after she takes them, nor do you really want to know.

You embrace death and bloodlust and sex. You thrive on it. It is all you know. And for the next 153 years, this is your life.

Until you meet Ell.

* * *

Ell smells like lavender and happiness and everything that's been missing from your life. Her hair looks like rays of sunshine and there's a mole at the corner of her mouth that you can't help but kiss every time she smiles.

You meet Ell in 1872, during one of the years Maman sends you out to seduce girls for that unknown reason. She is the daughter of a wealthy man in Styria, Austria, but she isn't like most highborn girls. Her heart is kind and it reminds you of your mother… your birth mother.

The more time you spend with Ell, the more you wish to keep her. She doesn't know of your true nature and you make sure to hide it. You hunt while she sleeps and slip back into bed by sunrise. She teases you about your habit of rising at noon, but she does so with a smile and, sometimes, even with the press of soft lips against yours.

So when Maman comes to take Ell away, you try to hold her off for as long as you can. You'll give any excuse so that your sunshine girl can stay in your arms for a little longer.

You ask Ell to run away with you. To escape to a new world where you can be yourselves and not hide your relationship. Because, you admit to yourself, you _love_ her. You love this girl with the sunshine hair and eyes filled with awe at the world around her. She agrees to flee with you, although she doesn't understand why you are so adamant about leaving so _soon_.

Ell becomes the home you've been missing. The smell of her is your new catnip and curling up around her at night before you sneak out makes you purr and your dead heart swell. You just hope your plan works. Because, for once, you'd like to be able to keep your home.

Maman finds out anyway. She drags your sunshine girl away from you, but not before ripping your heart from your home. She revealed to Ell what you are, and she is yanked from your arms, kicking and screaming. Not just for Maman to release her, but screaming at _you_.

She is cutting into your skin with words like knives. The sunshine of her hair has turned on you, burning your flesh and her mouth is now a bottomless pit, spewing hatred and acid in your face. Her screams echo in your mind long after her body is dragged away from you. '_You're a monster_' she'd screamed with a cracking voice. '_I cannot love a fiend such as you!_' Her words leave you numb, dead inside more than you already are. Now, you've lost the second home you've ever lived in, and it is gone forever.

Maman locks you in the basement of a cabin in the woods. '_Just for safekeeping,_' she tells you, '_until I get rid of the vermin._' The thought of Ell makes you shake with angers, but the chains holding aren't meant to break, even under your supernatural strength.

When Maman returns with a smirk on her now blood red lips, you know that Ell is gone. She comes in and breaks you in the best way she knows how; with both words and with each strike of her hand against your flesh.

'_You will learn, my glittering girl,_' she whispers in your ear, '_that you are a diamond._' The woman who has become her mother shakes her head, as if in disappointment. She chuckles low in her throat and your heart drops into your stomach. '_Stone cannot love flesh._'

And with that, your world goes black as she snaps your neck.

* * *

When you wake, everything is dark. There's blood in your mouth and nose and you can taste it in the back of your throat. You wonder how many people had to die for Maman to fill wherever you are with blood.

Reaching out, you realize your hands can't stretch very far—you can't extend your arms to their full length—and your nails graze rough stone. Your legs are already touching the bottom and the saturated pillow under yoou stops you from bumping your head into the back of the space. Reaching above you, you find the top of the structure is also stone. Tracing your nails around the edge as far as you can reach, you realize you're trapped in a coffin.

A coffin of blood.

There's no time inside your prison. Without light, without the stars that used to shine in Ell's eyes, you feel yourself slowly slipping into madness. Nothing makes sense anymore and you don't dare try to open your mouth for fear you'll drown in the death of innocence.

Slowly, your limbs begin to heal. When you woke up, there was so much pain you almost couldn't think straight. Maman must have broken you while your neck was snapped. Your screams would have alerted someone and then another life would be on your shoulders. So she broke you and shoved you in a coffin with blood from an unknown number of bodies.

You can imagine her standing over you, a scathing smile on her face. She probably stroked your cheek and whispered, '_My glittering girl, maybe someday you will learn…_' Even imagining her makes your undead heart clench.

So you waste away. You force yourself to swallow a few gulps of blood every time you feel weak, but no more. Even though Maman is reprimanding you, you can't help but punish yourself even more. Because you were selfish with Ell and, because of you, she and many others are dead. Their families will mourn and you can only blame yourself.

You fall in and out of consciousness, can feel your bones shift back into place. You don't make a sound when one of your wrists heal wrong and you know that when—no, if you get out of your coffin, you'll need to break it again to heal it properly.

You have no idea how long you've been trapped when you hear the tomb cracking above you. Something smashes into the coffin and you gasp, choking on the blood that's left. There are voices above you and there's a fissure before hands are reaching in and pulling you out.

Humans, speaking a German dialect that you can't really grasp and dressed in army uniforms, lift your prone and shocked body out. They're speaking quickly and you catch some words like '_dead_' and '_blood_' and even '_poor girl._' It is the last one that makes the rage inside you spill over. They yell and shout as you move, but you don't care. Nothing matters anymore. Ell is gone; Maman has abandoned you and you've been drowning in a coffin of stale blood since 1872.

You drain the three men, rebreak your wrist so that it heals correctly, and walk off the battlefield to greet the 20th century, abandoning your stone coffin of a home.

* * *

It's 1942 now. There's a war going on and nowhere is safe.

You travel around, a vulture to the spoils of war. But you don't just go back to that life of bloodlust and sex. For the first few months, it's hard to swallow the metallic tang you've been drowning in for 70 years. Slowly, the need to throw up every pint of blood you swallow goes away and you can keep down breakfast.

You volunteer at hospitals across Europe. You do that until the war ends in 1945. By then, you've slipped into a sort of depression. Ell is gone and you've missed a lot of things. The world has moved on while you've been stuck inside the earth. There's only so much of your afterlife you can take.

After you'd murder the soldiers, you'd donned one of their uniforms and looked up at the stars. They say nothing, silent observers on the crimes you have committed. The stars, infinite and older than anything you've ever known. You sit on the rooftops of Paris and stare at your only constant companion. Sometimes, when you look down at the streets, all of the people that go by seem like little blips on the radio, you want to end it all. Your immortal life is means nothing without Ell, or at least, that what you believe.

You try to see how many times you can break your bones before the pain goes away. You try to see how much blood you can lose before the cuts on your wrists heal. You try to see how long you can go before hunger claws at your throat like knives. Maybe, if you suffer, there will be some redemption before you finally die. Because the world is nothing without a companion or love, but you deserve neither.

You are a homeless nomad within the depths of society, feeding only when you know you're starving and waiting for your life to wither away into eternal nothingness.

* * *

Maman finds you sitting in a café in Paris in the 50s and demands you rejoin her. She threatens to trap you back under the earth, but this time for much longer. Not wanting to drown in blood and guilt again, you join her.

She has more minions than you remember. You can see she favors a young man named Will, turned in the 30s while you were underground. He's definitely a mama's boy and it makes you sick to see how much pleasure he gets from being a creature of the night. You try to avoid hum as much as possible, but Maman pairs you with him for all of your assignments. It's a wonder you don't kill him during the first go round.

Maman has you back in the game but the rules have changed. Now, she runs a coed college—she started it while you were trapped underground— where you can go to parties and continue to seduce or befriend girls and give them to your mother. Will trails along behind you most of the time because, as he tells you many times, he likes his girls drunk and easy. You just roll your eyes, because what is life without a challenge. Even one as wretched as yours.

But, while Will is distracted by 'easy' girls who actually find him attractive or are just drunk—both ideas make you want to vomit up your insides— you find your target. Your first one since you were entombed. You hate Maman for making you do this, so you tell the girl to run. To pack up and leave and never return. You know you can't save everybody, but you can try your best to save as many as you can.

You follow this pattern for more years than you can remember.

But everything changes when you meet your Lois Lane wannabe of a roommate in 2014.

**So, this story is a three shot for a creative writing class that I have. I know, a class where you can write fan fiction for credit! Let me know what you guys think and please review. I'd love to hear your thoughts. The second chapter should be up soon. **


	2. With Laura

_"Maybe home is nothing but two arms holding you tight when you are at your worst." - Yara Bashraheel_

Your new roommate is obnoxious. She talks too much and she invites her wet dog of a TA that leaves her smell all over to your room. It makes you gag and light as many candles as you can without burning down the dorm. Even vampires hate fire, no matter your pyrokinesis.

Laura Hollis, little Lauronica Mars, makes you sick sometimes. She eats too many cookies and drinks more grape soda than is healthy for one her size. She also has more interrupting friends than you'd like to know.

There's obviously Danny Lawrence, a Summer Sister sorority and Laura's current girl crush. You don't think you've ever seen the girl so interested in something. They had met through her English Literature class. You like to refer to her as the Jolly Ginger Giant because she's tall and annoying and ginger.

The annoying part is also true for Brody Kirsch, a puppy dog who follows Laura everywhere. His excuse is that "all hotties must be protected" as is the way of his Zeta Omega Mu fraternity. Kirsch isn't around much. Most of the times, he shows up only for Danny to kick him out.

The last two who show up the most are Lola Perry, the floor don, and LaFontaine, the non-binary bio major. The Ginger Squad, as you've anointed them, are almost always around. Mostly because Perry is constantly worrying over Laura like a mother hen and LaF trails behind like a trusty hound.

But you could have been assigned to a more annoying roommate, so you suffer with her. Your mother's ordered you to watch Laura because she's been making video-blogs about the missing girls. She's also found out that you keep blood in the soy milk container in the fridge—'It was just a practical joke, cutie.' You call her anything but her name to distance yourself from her. It doesn't work.

But then Laura starts having the dreams… and maybe you start to care. You grab her a bat-wing charm from the school store, which will keep the nightmares, and the vampires, at bay. You return to the room as quickly as possible because even holding the thing makes you want to throw up. You try not to notice her starry eyes, her kind yet hesitant smile, and how soft her skin is to touch. You fiddle with the strings before pulling away and making a comment about how she's not the worst roommate a girl could have.

Laura asks you to go to a Zeta Omega Mu bonfire, which makes you think maybe she's getting your flirtatious hints, but you decide to change the plan at the last minute. You wear your best corset and leather pants but, when you walk into the room with glasses and champagne, she outshines you. She's wearing a cream colored dress with a little bit of lace. It's hanging off of one shoulder and her long pale neck is exposed. It makes your fangs ache but you reel in the thought of biting her and make a comment about her outfit instead. You say she looks like a virgin sacrifice, which makes her flush and you can smell her blood all the way from the door.

You can't stop looking at how beautiful she is. She makes a comment about how you look, but you just shrug. Her question of where you got the 'ludicrously expensive' champagne goes unanswered.

She pulls out her crappy flip phone and, when you ask, she tells you she's asking her friends if they want to join. So you throw her phone over your shoulder and pull her toward you. Her heart rate speeds up and you can smell both lust and fear under her perfume. You can't help but be drawn in, touching her soft dirty blond hair, her smooth shoulder. The pinpricks of your fangs sting your gums, but you contain yourself as you pull her in. Her breath wobbles on her lips and you smile. Her eyes lock with yours and you bite your lip, waiting for her to make the first move.

But then Danny is screaming at you and everything goes dark as chaos erupts. You panic, seeing the coffin of blood, but then pain sears your neck and shoulders and you blink. They're surrounding you, eyes bright with triumph, but only for a moment. Because, tonight, you aren't the one taking girls.

* * *

You had learned that the scream you'd imagined before they knocked you out was Sarah Jane, Kirsch's girlfriend. She had died falling out a window. You know Maman will need a replacement girl and your heart thuds as she thinks of someone they could take.

Laura keeps you tied to a chair, with garlic cloves hanging around your neck, for nine days. Over the course of your undead life, you've learned that nine days is your limit. After that, the seizures start. Your oblivious roommate notices just as your vision beings to fade. Maybe she cares more than she did before, because she feeds you… twice. Once would have been enough to last you a few more days, but Laura doesn't know that.

So after she begs, you tell her your life story. But she stops you when she finds out you were murdered. 'This is flashback material.'

Socks puppets… your stupid roommate decides to play out your life story with sock puppets.

You tell her about your Maman, about Ell, about the coffin of blood. She stops after the coffin, her wide eyes looking sadly up at you. Your heart clenches when she reaches up to put a hand on your knee. It's strange… she's sitting between your legs but it isn't sexual. It's Laura.

* * *

Later that night, after your roommate has refilled the cup duct taped to your chest and put on yet another inaccurate vampire show, the door creaks. You yell at the computer, hoping to seem distracted, while all of your senses are focused on what's going on behind you and Laura's breathing. Laura's usually a pretty heavy sleeper, but you're surprised she hasn't woken up yet.

It turns out that Will is there to free you. He cuts through the ropes and you rip off the cloves from your neck. Unfortunately, Laura wakes up and yells at you until she realizes that you aren't tied up anymore, or the only vampire in the room. She punches your "brother" in the throat and you can't help the smile that spreads across your face… until he drags her out of the bathroom and threatens to bite her just to spite you. Laura's eyes are wide, pleading without words to save her. Your heart trips over itself and it creates a hole in your chest that you don't know how to fill.

Will's fangs are out and his mouth is _so_ close to the throbbing artery in your roommate's neck. That's what gets you to move, to lung forward and punch him in the face. Laura gasps and, instead of running out of the room like a _smart_ girl, she jumps onto your bed and cowers behind you. Stupid human!

Will runs from the room, intending to tell Maman that you're protecting her next victim. And in your weakened state, you won't be able to catch him in time. So you turn to Laura, who is already babbling nervously, and launch yourself at her.

Her blood tastes of laughter and sunshine and way too much sugar. The blonde squirms under you for a moment, but you only take what you need. For, although her blood sings to you as it slides across your tongue, you don't want to kill her. You race out of the room after your "brother" instead of staying to face Laura's wrath.

You come back to the room after fighting with Will. Damn him! As soon as you enter, Laura is on you. You tune her out as you grab your rucksack. Piling your clothes, books, and even a few of Laura's shirts into your bag, the pain inside you is almost unbearable.

Laura, however, insists that you stay. So that your Maman thinks that Will is lying. You didn't want to leave her to your mother, so you stay. Because maybe you've started to care, even though you know you shouldn't.

* * *

You come back from after a feed a few days later to find LaFontaine and Laura watching some cheesy sci-fi movie. Well, the ginger is trying to keep their eyes open. Laura, on the other hand, is squirming and against the bio major's shoulder. The bat-wing charm is swinging from her wrist, but that doesn't seem to be helping with the nightmare. You shake her shoulders, shouting her name to try and wake her. She comes to with a start, hazy eyes slowly focusing on you. They widen and she sits up.

Laura tells you and LaF about the dreams. About the girl drowning in blood, not swimming toward the surface. You've heard other accounts of the same girl coming in dreams with a warning to '_not go into the_ _light_' and '_the light is hungry._' It shakes you to the core; ever since you came back into the game your mother plays. You know because every description of the girl is that she has a distinct mole on her cheek, just like Ell did. When Laura realizes this, she sits at her desk beside you and puts a hand on your knee. You look up to lock eyes with her and your dead heart swells to bursting.

LaFontaine breaks Laura's hold on you by coming over and announcing that a trip to the library is necessary, which a stupid idea because the library is dangerous after the sun sets. However, they are adamant about going to find information on whatever is affecting the girls. Laura agrees and stupidly, grabs a pan and one of her cans of day-of-the-week bear spray. You'd learned that her father is very overprotective and sends a bag of the bear spray once a week. As if that will protect her. So you stop playing with the knife in your hand and follow her because, maybe, you're starting to care a hell of a lot more than you should.

* * *

You really hate the library. That thought runs through your mind as you punch the glass holding an ax… '_For Emergencies Only,_' the box says. Well, this is definitely an emergency because there's the smell of blood in the air.

Laura screams as a book on WWII aviation dive bombs her, trying to bat it away with her frying pan. LaFontaine is trapped in the literature section, words as sharp as knives flying out from the manuscripts of Hemingway to cut into their skin. You find yourself cutting your way through the horticulture section with the ax as vines grow out of the books and wrap around the shelves.

At least these books will never see the light of day; enchanted books usually like the dark of the subbasement better than the sunlit library.

You make it through the slowly growing vines, dodge the expanding pool of dark matter, and pluck LaF from the clutches of the monster from _20,000 Leagues Under the Sea_.

"_You get what you came here for?_" you ask as you dump them near the door back upstairs. They give you a dazed nod, holding up a huge Sumerian book and a tiny stick you've come to understand is a USB. Apparently, there's a spirit trapped in there.

Laura's scream echoes though the dimly lit room and rattles in your ears. You race off to find her clinging to a shelf, trying not to get sucked into a black hole in the astronomy section. You grit your teeth and grab her, using almost all of your strength to pull her from the Event Horizon. She's at the edge of the black hole that, if you cross, you'll never come back. She collapses into your arms once you both are safe, fists twisted into your shirt, breath hot against your neck.

"_Come on._" You pull her up, supporting her as she wobbles. LaFontaine smirks at the two of you and Laura squeaks but continues to lean on you for assistance as you follow them up from the subbasement to the library.

As soon as you get back from the library of doom, LaFontaine plugs in the USB and Laura quickly hands you a glass of blood. Your stock from the fridge is getting low, so you know that a visit to the local blood bank will be necessary soon.

You blink. She's accepted you as a supernatural monster, giving you blood even though it might disgust her. She's looking at you with so much tenderness that it shakes your very foundation. You don't even notice LaF is gone until Laura grabs the empty glass from your hands.

She sits next to you, putting her hand on yours, a small smirk on her face.

"_You know, if you want me to stop having heroic notions about you; you should probably stop saving my life._" Laura's smile is way too big for one so small. She has way too much energy after almost getting sucked into a black hole.

You grin at her, watching as her eyes twinkle. "_Then who would buy the cupcakes?_"

Her laughter echoes in your heart long after it ends.

* * *

Perry rushes in a few days later, raging at you for LaFontaine's disappearance. Laura, who has been laughing, is silent. Her eyes, once alight with fire, are now a dull hazel full of sadness. The floor don worries and cries herself to sleep, curled up on Laura's bed against the sacred yellow pillow.

Your roommate begins to babble, eyes glazed with tears, about how this is all her fault. "_I did this. They took LaF because they couldn't take me._" She puts her head in her hands, ignoring your calls of her name.

You touch her shoulder softly getting her attention. "_Cupcake, you are ridiculous and headstrong and naïve and this whole Lois Lane Junior gig is doomed, okay?_"you respond, taking her hands in yours."_But unless you're going around kidnapping girls for some ancient unspeakable evil, nothing that's happening right now is your fault._" She looks up at you and sniffles before she shakes her head and looks back down at her lap. She continues on, talking about her wish to be normal. Her eyes meet yours when she talks about dances and 'how the person you like's gonna be there.'

You try to take her mind off of everything that's been going on. You hold out your hand, telling her of the balls and dances of your human life. Her hand is soft in yours and you press your other palm to the warm skin between her shirt and pants.

"_Face to face,_" you rasp, "_chest to chest._" You pull her in so that she is pressed against your front. "_All that, um, whirling._" You spin her away and back into you. "_In 1698, it may as well have been sex._" Laura flushes as she twines her fingers in yours; you hold onto her as if she is a lifeline.

Her yawn stretches across her face, eyes glassy with exhaustion, so you pull away and gesture toward your bed. "_Why don't you take mine? I'll curl up on the floor._"

"_No! I couldn't make you…_" She tries to protest, but she is more important to you than comfort.

So you shrug. "_Vampiric constitution trumps lower back pain._" Her eyes are wide and you can feel them on you as you enter the bathroom.

The squeaking of springs make you stop your nighttime ritual as Laura collapses onto your bed. You hear her breathe of a sigh and your dead heart flutters at her words.

"_Worst. Crush. Ever._"

* * *

Perry wakes you with a kick to your shin and the offer of brownies. You glare at Laura—this intrusion into your domain is all her fault—but she just shrugs and holds out the big Sumerian book to you. She's ready to search for the thing that your Maman is giving girls to. You send her a soft smile as you sip your AB negative. Obviously, the floor don is a nervous cleaner. She zooms around the room, scrubbing each surface at least three times before moving on to the next one.

You're almost ready to throw in the towel a few hours later when Ginger Two leans over to grab something, accidentally spilling your drink on the book. Words seem to write themselves on the pages where the blood drips. "_Is that new stuff appearing on the book because you spilt blood on it? Right, of course it is._" Laura tries to hide her fear behind laughter, but you can see right through her.

"_It's an entry from something called Lophiiformes. The light that devours._" You blink in surprise. "_An ancient evil that demands…_ _five, shocker, virgins every twenty years._"This is why your mother had you seduce and capture five girls every twenty years. What Ell was sacrificed to. It makes you so mad you clutch the book until your knuckles turn white. A soft hand clasps over your, hazel eyes shining with reassurance. You let go of the book and squeeze her hand. Maybe Ell is gone, but Laura's here.

Laura is warmth and light and _life_. She's slowly seeping into your skin and spreading sunshine through your veins. She is latching onto your heart and pumping life back into your body.

* * *

Eventually, LaFontaine reappears, but it seems that all they can talk about is a party, which seems very out of character for them. Perry leads them from the room with the promise of a place to dance, so you find yourself alone with Laura. She's sitting at the computer, making yet another vlog while J.P., the entity trapped in the USB, searches for ways to get rid of the Hungry Light. You go through the Sumerian book over and over, but nothing shows up. Not even when you smear more blood on each page.

"_The Blade of Hastur._" Laura's voice breaks through your concentration. "_Made from the,_" her nose scrunches up, "_burnt bones of Star Spawn and meant to shatter all that oppose it._" Her eyes sparkle with excitement. "_Yeah, that's… um, never mind._" You put the book down and lean over her shoulder as she explains, "_It may or may not be sealed into the face of a cliff in an underwater cavern, like, a thousand feet below seawater. It's impossible._" You shrug and offer to go fetch it and, when Laura protests, you reassure her that pressure depth and nitrogen narcosis aren't really issues for a vampire. "_I know you're not doing it for me, but—_" she starts to say, fiddling with something around her neck.

You stand over her, a soft smile curling your lips. Her hazel eyes are wide, a twinkle in them that makes your belly swoop. "_Of course I'm doing it for you…_" You trail off when you notice the silver necklace hanging around her throat. She begins to convulse when you try to pull it off, eyes going wide before they roll back in her head.

She stands up with the grace of a cat. You'd know that hard look in her eyes, but they aren't hers. There is no trace of Laura. "_Hello, my glittering girl._" Even her voice is hard.

"_Hello, Maman,_" you snarl in response.

* * *

You don't tell Laura about the possession when you finally get her back. You don't tell her that, to save her, you sacrificed Kirsch to your Maman's ritual. Not exactly a _virgin_ sacrifice, but you're guessing the ritual isn't that specific. There is nothing you can do to save him, but you will give anything up for Laura.

She sits at her computer, explaining to the viewers about the recent discovery of the sword. Perry is angrily sharpening yet another stake next to you while LaFontaine squirms on Laura's bed. They haven't stopped talking about a party and struggling against Laura's surprisingly strong knots. Your roommate is babbling on, talking about recruiting both the Summer Society and the Zeta Omega Mu fraternity, which will never work because the two hate each other. You don't follow her tornado of words, but suddenly she's jumping up, acting like the sugar-filled idiot she is. Even Perry is startled.

She comes close to you, eyes sparking with excitement and determination, and presses her warm lips to your cold skin. It makes your heart beat at a slightly faster pace. She dances out of the room and you know she's heading toward some kind of danger.

"_Don't you have a sword to go get?_" Perry asks, looking up from her wood carving. You glare at her but leave the room anyway. You'd promised your Maman that you would leave the ritual alone if Laura was spared. But the lies feel like acid on your tongue and there's definitely a stake going through your heart at the idea of lying to Laura.

* * *

You return empty handed, armed to the teeth with lies. You're thirsty and hungry and yearning for a 48 hour nap when you find yourself face to face with a crudely made stake. Perry is shaking at the other end, but her grip is strong. "_Not one more step, bloodsucker._"

You look over to where Laura is sitting at her computer, as usual, but her face is tight and hurt. "_What the frilly hell is this?_" You try to take one step toward her, to comfort or to explain, but the stake pressing into your stomach stops you.

"_I won't let you hurt her!_" Perry, always the mother of Laura's little group, is acting like an over protective mama bear.

Laura says nothing. There's the sound of a few keys being pressed and you watch as a possessed Laura makes you choose between Kirsch and herself. She skips to the part where you give the puppy dog up for her. You want to explain yourself, to plead with Laura to forgive you— the frat boy isn't as important as she is. But she won't let you talk, yelling and screaming with tears in her eyes. "_Go away, Carmilla. Go run and hide._" Her voice cracks and so does your already bruised heart. Maybe you shouldn't have been dishonest. Your whole life seems to be filled with poor decisions, with lies. "_We're done._"

She breaks you with her words. Just like Ell. Just like Maman. You storm out of the room before she can see your tears.

* * *

You come back to find Laura, Perry, and LaFontaine gone, along with your knapsack filled with stakes. The blinking camera light beckons you closer. You click play and watch, heart being squeezed by invisible hands, as she decides to follow LaFontaine as they stumble off toward the ritual. "_And Carmilla… you know!_" Her hazel eyes are full of apologies and fear and some emotion you don't want to see.

Before you can beat yourself up over the idea of Laura getting eaten, the Amazonian ginger storms in and demands to know where Laura is. "_I got a text that says, 'trapped under the Lustig. Bring stakes.'_" You cringe, thinking of the Lustig building, a dilapidated old building buried under the new Theater studio for the drama nerds.

You tell Danny to round up her Summer Society sisters and, hell, even the Zeta bros, before you head off. Retrieving the soul sucking sword is the only way to save Laura. You know that you probably won't be returning to this room but, after all this time, Laura has grown on you so much that you would sacrifice anything for her. Even your immortal life.

Because without her, you are once again homeless. She has become your safety.

After diving into the ocean and finding the sword, you teleport back to campus. You can hear fighting going on before you reach the Lustig building. The basement is filled with shouting and screaming and speeding heartbeats. Tucking the sword into your belt, you charge forward.

You watch as Perry stakes Will, who had been charging at LaFontaine. Danny and Kirsch are fighting back to back, armed with a sword and trident respectively, curtesy of the fraternity and sorority. One of the puppy's arms is limp and pulled close to his body. And inside the pit is what seems to be a huge ball of light, a miniature sun that doesn't give off heat. This must be Lophiiformes, your Maman's pet.

However, when you zero in on Laura, your heart speeds up as much as it can. She's walking through the carnage, like a zombie, bare feet shuffling along toward the edge. You race forward and, just as she is about to go over, you dig your teeth into the back of her shirt and pull her back. She blinks fearfully at you before, in a puff of smoke, your true face appears. The sword is glowing at your side and she looks at you with shock written on her face.

"_Carm, you can't!_" Tears spring to her eyes. There's a cut on her cheek that leaves a trail of blood down her skin but she still looks so beautiful, so full of life and light even brighter than the demon in the room. You call Danny over and tell her to take Laura and keep her safe. The smaller girl screams and cries and lashes out, but the Jolly Ginger Giant is stronger than her.

As her screams echo through the cave, your mother rushes at you in a cloud of bats that claw and slash at you. You fight back, sword singing through the air. Eventually, Maman reforms, blood dripping from small cuts scattered across her skin.

While Maman is licking her wounds, getting ready for another attack, you feel soft arms wrap around you. Amidst the bloodshed, you smell sugar and vanilla and something completely Laura that stops you in your tracks. "_I can't let you do this,_" she whispers into your spine. Her voice is shaking and cracking as her nails dig into your skin, anchoring you to the reality that, if you don't come back from this, she will _miss_ you. There will actually be someone mourning your pitiful life.

"_Laura, let go,_" Danny says in an authoritative tone. You gently squeeze the blonde's wrists, just enough on her pressure points where she has to let go. You're going to do this, whether she likes it or not.

You turn to her as you start walking toward the chasm. There's a cut on her cheek and her eyes are wet with tears. Shooting her your winning smile, you drawl, "_Y'know, I really am starting to hate this heroic vampire crap._" And before Laura can grab at you again, her hands clutching air instead of skin, you charge toward the giant light. In the split second before you jump in the pit with the soul sucking sword, you see Ell reaching out for you. Her ethereal eyes shine with a mixture of fear and guilt and you wonder if you're actually seeing her or just an echo.

"Carm!" Laura's scream follows you all the way down, the sword glowing as it cuts through the Lophiiformes like paper. Everything becomes dark and the last thing you think about is that you_ love_ Laura.

And she will never know.


	3. After Carmilla

_She says I smell like/ Safety and home/ I named both of her eyes/ "Forever" and "Please Don't Go"_-She Keeps Me Warm, Mary Lambert (Welcome to the Age of My Body-EP)

"So a completely unexpected thing happened. We won. We actually won_._" You choke back a cry. "We won." Your voice cracks and you can't stop the tears from dreaming own your cheeks. "And Carmilla's dead_._" You finally break, body shaking with sobs.

You feel detached as Danny pulls you away from the computer. The act reminds you of when your father wrapped you in his arms after your mother died. The comfort is there, but you can't really _feel_ it.

You watch as LaFontaine reassures Perry that "using them as a homing beacon is hardcore. And we do not apologize for the hardcore_._" Perry then goes on to proudly state that she killed the guy that tried to bite you before, Will. Kirsch, nursing a broken arm, winces before Perry apologizes.

Danny interrupts and goes on to talk about how she brought the Zetas and Summer sisters. When she gets to the entrance of the giant hungry light, you interrupt. "It was like the sun coming up underground_._" And Carmilla. Carmilla holding a sword "like a hollow in reality, eating light_._"

Your friends go on to talk about the light and Carmilla jumping into the pit, about Danny saving Kirsch's ass, and the vampire cult that followed Maman dispersing after the light disappears. "Expect for Carmilla's mom, who was fifty feet down the cliff face clinging on by her fingernails_._"

"Oh, and she was doing the whole 'you fools, you don't know what you've done, you'll regret this, zombies will eat your livers_,'_" Danny cuts in, mimicking the Dean and making everyone but you laugh.

Kirsch smiles at the redhead and leans in. "Yeah, and Laura's like, 'hey, sorry, but the students of Silas University would like a new dean because (a) you're a callous evil witch… Yep. That one's it.' And then Laura goes and pushes this rock that's been teetering on the edge and bam. Down with the Dean_._" He looks so proud of you, but you can think of nothing but the vampire.

You sit there as they keep talking. All you can think about is the fact that it's over. What started with your original roommate, Betty, going missing, has ended up with the death of your vampire roommate. It hurts to think about the fact that, after everything you've been through with Carmilla, she's actually gone.

After a while, everyone files out of the room, Betty promising to return in the morning but wanting to give you space. Once the room is empty, you glance over at the empty bed and, finally, you surrender to the pain. There's her clothes all over the floor and her T-shirt pillowcase with the cat on it. You kind of understand her fascination with anything feline now.

The sadness overwhelms you as you bury your face in your yellow pillow, which still smells like her. The adrenaline of the battle fades and you cry yourself into an exhausted, nightmare filled sleep.

You still can't believe she's gone.

* * *

"How's Laura?" LaFontaine's voice floats over you a week after the battle with the Dean.

"She hasn't slept in a week," Perry's voice responds. You bury your face farther into your yellow pillow, trying to find what's left of Carmilla's scent. When you find nothing, you choke down a sob that shakes your whole body.

"Why does she avoid sleeping?"

"She doesn't avoid sleeping." Perry sighs, as if the weight of the world is on her shoulders. "She avoids dreaming."

* * *

It takes a month for you to put the pieces of your broken heart back together. Betty is back but she definitely isn't the party girl you remember.

Perry says that filming and making more video blogs will be good for you. A way for you to vent your feelings and help you heal.

So, while you film, Betty complains about Carmilla. Apparently, Betty is actually a girl who was headed to Princeton when she got trapped in the Dean's web and was forced to choose Silas by way of manipulation. So it's hard for you to connect the Betty you knew to the Betty who lives with you now.

You're talking to the camera when Betty screams. In one hand is Carmilla's 'soy milk' container and the other is holding a box of your cereal. "Oh my god! There's blood in the milk container. Why is there blood in the milk container?" The blond drops the container and steps away from the counter. "What is wrong with you people? Why would anyone want to go to this school?" She stomps out of the room and you can't help but smile. Carm is still traumatizing people even after she's gone.

It doesn't hurt as much anymore to accept that the vampire is gone. The thought makes your heart clench, but you try to think of the good things. You turn back to the camera and smile. There are tears in your eyes but you're able to hold them in. "Look, I know she was a terrible roommate and kind of a terrible person sometimes, and that one big grand gesture doesn't make up for centuries of what was essentially murder…" you ramble, trailing off with a longing look in your eyes. "But she was my terrible roommate. And she made the big gesture for me_._"

You sniffle, wiping your eyes with the heel of your palm. You haven't gone to class yet and the pile of homework on your desk is calling your name, but you don't feel motivated to do it. Actually, you haven't felt motivated to do _anything_ lately.

There's a knock on the door and you turn to find Perry standing nervously just inside the room. Her hair looks even crazier than usual, which might be due to her stressing over the group's wellbeing after the big battle. And LaFontaine is spending a lot more time with the USB spirit, which you know makes Perry feel abandoned.

"Hey, Laura_._" Her voice wobbles slightly, which makes you stiffen. "Um, so, something happened and, um, I just wanted to come prepare you so that you wouldn't freak out_._" She's ringing her hands together and you're clutching the top of your chair, nails digging into the fabric. "So Kirsch and some of his Zeta bros were, um, throwing cherry bombs into the big pit under the Lustig_._" You roll your eyes at the thought of Kirsch doing that. He's such a child! "And, um, they found, um…" Her fidgeting is escalating and she looks behind her.

You see Danny, tall Amazonian Danny, comes in carrying something in her arms. "Sorry, Easy Bake, she's heavier than she looks_._" You finally shoot up when you realize just who the redhead is holding. Dark curls are matted to a pale face. Long legs encased in now ripped black leather pants. "Okay_._" Danny sighs and places the too-still figure on your bed, stepping back as you start forward.

You cross the room at what feels like supernatural speed, sitting beside her stomach on the bed. You brush strands of unwashed hair over her shoulder, trace the line of her jaw up to her nose and around her slightly parted lips. There's no breath against your hand and Danny stands next to you, a worried expression on her face.

"So we think she's… I mean, she seems dead_,_" Danny stumbles over her words, "but she's a vampire, right?"

You pull away, grabbing at the soy milk container on the counter where Betty left it. It feels half empty when you pull it closer. You tilt her head back and put her put the container to her lips, gently pouring a steady stream of crimson liquid. "Please don't be dead_,_" you beg breathlessly, hoping that the last of the blood is enough to bring her back. "Please don't be dead."

Color returns to her cheeks slowly and she grabs the container from your hands, pulling it away. Blood drips down her chin and is smeared across her pale skin when she wipes it off. She sits up, hovering at the end of the bed, and her lip curls up into a smirk, eyes shining with exhaustion. "Well, that was a kick."

You don't think as you charge forward, arms tight around her. She's here. She's actually here and breathing and looking at you with a twinkle in her eyes. You can't stop smiling because she's _here_. "Hey." You can't speak above a whisper, scared that this is just another one of your dreams.

"Hey." She smiles up at you, eyes softer than you've ever seen before. It's as if she only has eyes for you and you for her. She's looking at you like you're the stars, which you know mean everything to her. It hits you that she's actually here when Perry and Danny make a quick exit, the click of the door closing breaking you out of your spell.

Although the color is slowly returning to Carmilla's face, there's still the bruises on her pale arms and the rips in her pants are a darker color from the blood seeping from her skin. It's obvious by the way she winces when she moves that there are more wounds that you can't see. It fires off something in your brain and you step back to give her space.

"Are you hurt? It looks like you're hurt. And I'm sorry that I hugged you so hard that you're hurt; it's just that you were dead and now you're not and—and I know that you're probably going through…" you ramble on, gulping as she stands. The action reminds you of a feline getting ready to pounce. The butterflies in your stomach make you open your mouth again and continue. "_... _Through a lot of stuff with your mom, it's just that_…_"

Her eyes twinkle as she pounces, prey obviously caught in her trap. She cups your cheeks in her palms and pulls you in for a gentle kiss. Your knees buckle in surprise and you cling to her arms. Carmilla pulls away and your brain can't quick catch up with your mouth. So word vomit comes out with the nerves. "And I know you didn't do everything for me. I just_…_" She cuts you off with a quick peck. The idea that Carmilla actually likes you isn't new, but the affection she's freely showing is something you never expected. You squeak against her lips as she presses them to yours. It's slightly awkward because you're both smiling.

You can't hold back anymore. You cup the back of her head, twisting your fingers into her mane of black hair, and pull her down to you. She puts both hands on your hips, thumbs rubbing the skin above the waistband of your pants. Goosebumps break out across your skin at the touch. Carmilla whimpers against you when you slide your tongue to lightly touch hers.

You pull away when you need to breathe and Carmilla pouts, making you chuckle. You're use to a broody quiet vampire, not this mess of a girl that pouts when you pull away. Regaining your breath, you smile at her. "Wow_._" She holds onto your arms, eyes glaze slightly with passion. You open your mouth and what comes out isn't exactly what you wanted to say. "So you're a giant black cat, huh?" Referring to the black panther that saved you from going over the edge of the pit during the battle.

Carmilla pulls back in surprise, but the smile that breaks out on her face is bright. She laughs and pulls you in, smile staying as she kisses you. She tastes like iron and dust, but you don't care.

She tastes like home.

* * *

"I really can't have one day without that thing?"

"Oh come on. Don't you wanna record it for posterity?"

You're sitting next to her on her bed, yellow pillow placed behind her hands tangled together underneath. Your own bed is messier than you remember it ever being. Probably because you've just spent the last hour or so rolling around it in with your vampire roommate.

For the past five minutes, however, you've been arguing with the immortal girl about filming the story of her return to you from her perspective. About her time down in that pit. Carmilla is reluctant, but you know it's more about winding you up than about actually not wanting to tell her story. "Posterity can bite me_._" Her eyes rove over you, darkening and making you flush. Yep, definitely a cat. "I have better things to do_."_ Her voice is a sensual purr and you shudder.

You gesture weakly to the blinking red recording light. "They are all dying to know you survived_._" You wiggle you eyebrows at her. "I will make it worth your while_._"

She rolls her eyes at you and it about to tell her story when LaFontaine rushes in, looking tired and hyper at the same time. They gets the Sumerian book from where you've been using it as a bathmat. They come back out and, after flipping through the pages thrust it into Carmilla's hands.

"Uh, Lophiiformes. The page, I know it talks about sacrificing five virgins every twenty years_,_" they say nervously, wringing their hands just like Perry does. Carmilla blinks and flips to the correct page with a curious expression on her face. "But does it say anything about what would happen if it ate, say, a very old very powerful vampire like your mother?"

The ground shakes and there's a weird rumbling noise coming from outside. Carmilla looks from the window to LaFontaine. "We didn't kill it?" She sounds more irritated than upset.

You look from Carmilla to LaFontaine and back. "I have an idea_,_" you perk up. "We just go. We leave for Reading Week and never come back_._" LaF chuckles behind you and Carmilla snorts into the pages of the Sumerian book. "We can do that, right?" Your heart races in fear of what could happen to you and your friends if you stay. "Right_?_"

Carmilla opens her mouth to respond but instead of her melodic voice, the sound of an all school meeting, or 'Town Meeting' as the university calls it. Perry comes in with Danny behind her, rushing everyone out of the room and to the central auditorium.

* * *

Turns out, the Dean's threats of zombies is quite accurate. As soon as Perry hears the news from the town meeting, she packs you, Carmilla, and LaFontaine down with as much food and water and warm clothes as you can carry. The vampire more than the humans. And so you all shoulder your laden backpacks and set off across the mountain that sets Silas apart from the rest of the world.

Danny and Kirsch decide to stay behind to rally up the Zetas and Summer Society sisters who decide to stay behind and try to keep the zombies _inside_ the Silas campus instead of letting them escape. They promised they'd catch up with you before Christmas. Hopefully, they don't die protecting a school full of crazy.

A few nights into your trek across the mountain, the four of you are spread out around a campfire Carmilla lit with her mind. You used to be scared of her, back when you first discovered what she was, but now all you can think of is that having a vampire around is very useful.

LaFontaine and Perry are bent toward each other, whispering. Looking over at the vampire in question, you watch as she stokes the fire. It's as if she can feel your eyes on her, so you look down at your hands. They're covered in dirt and you've let your fingernails grow way too long because they look like claws and that reminds you of…

"You okay?" Carmilla is hovering over you, dark eyes shining with firelight. Your throat feels tight and all you want to do is cry, but you swallow back your tears and nod. The vampire rolls her eyes and sits down, pulling the sleeping bag open and slides in next to you. She opens her arms and you fall into them, shoulders shaking. No tears fall but they're there.

Carmilla's shoulders stiffen as you bury your face in her neck before you feel her relax. You feel the pressure of her lips on your hair and forehead over and over again. More soft and comforting than anything you can think of.

It helps you forget that you're stuck in the middle of the woods, running from a zombie infested school and toward something. Without a way to contact your dad and tell him you're okay. That you promise you'll be home by Christmas. At the same time, however, you're kind of glad you can't call him. Because you know he'll freak out and come get you, which means he's putting himself in danger.

The vampire's kisses have migrated from your forehead to your cheek. Her lips whisper softly across your skin, as if she is trying to communicate reassurance with actions rather than words. You know she isn't really comfortable with comforting others, have seen the tenseness of her shoulders whenever she's tried before. But she cares for you, so she tries.

The feeling of her lips slowly lull you into a feeling of safety. You curl up into her, breathing softly against her neck, the rumble of a purr slipping past her lips. It makes you giggle before you feel her squeeze you tighter to her, as if you are the one who almost died.

It's still a sore subject for both of you. You kiss and cuddle and it's everything you've ever dreamed of since you fell for the vampire, yet you're both scared for the other shoe to drop.

Carmilla's throat vibrates as she begins to hum softly. It's strange to hear her do this, but you fall farther and farther into that space of comfort she has created around you. As her comfort seeps through you, you clutch her tighter to you.

You place your hand over her heart. The humming stops for a moment as she curls reaches down to curl her hand around your wrist. You can feel her eyes on you, but you keep yours down. As she loosens her hold on you and the humming resumes, you tap your index finger against her heart to the beat of yours. She signs and presses a kiss to your hair and you respond with a sigh of your own.

And when you reach up to pull her down to your lips, you can taste ash and dust and starlight on her lips.

**The second section of this chapter references to THAT COMIC. The one that kills us all. Please tell me what you think! **


End file.
